As a public service, I decided to write an email telling people how to be safer in self-defense, sexual assault prevention, kidnapping, and other violent scenarios. There are so many urban legend emails going around the web, I thought I should do one that explodes some of the myths and offers some of the common sense suggested things to do. I have been a student of the martial arts for over 39 years and have been featured in BLACK BELT magazine. My wife, who is a fifth degree black master has been public about being a former victim of both gang rape and acquaintance rape, and has helped thousands of women and girls learn how to avoid or deter sexual assault. Please send this on to all on your email list, but put everybody’s address in the BCC line, so people do not get spams and viruses.  If anybody wants to write me about this they can at don@donbendell.com.

1. One of the biggest myths you often see on talk shows and even movies is that you can use the heel of your hand to drive thousands of bone splinters into the brain. FALSE! If it were true, boxers all over the world would be dead. The nose is made of cartilage, not bone.
2. Another myth you will see on shows like OPRAH tell you to lay on your back, kick, and scream “No!” FALSE!  Lying on your back is a perfect position to get raped in, not win a fight. A rapist only needs to toss his jacket over your kicking legs and then pin them. If it was effective, kickboxers would immediately lay down in the ring and start kicking each other.
3. A third major myth is that you can knee a rapist in the groin and drive him away. FALSE! Every major karate instructor in the country, including me, has been accidentally kicked full-power in the groin by our students from time to time. Their adrenalin is pumping and if you are a black belt they expect you to be Superman.  Like me, most instructors act like we are not hurt so the student won’t feel bad. Imagine what a serious rapist could do to go past the pain when his adrenalin is pumping. Grab the groin, squeeze, and twist as hard as you can, and it is a different matter. The groin is a target for kicks but not disabling.
4. A fourth major myth is that dressing or looking sexy makes you more likely to be raped. FALSE! Rape is a crime of violence and really has little to do with sex. It is more to overpower, degrade, and humiliate the victim. This is also America and people have the right to dress sexy if they want, however we do have a responsibility in regards to the message we give out with the way we dress and act.
5. One of the biggest myths is that rapists wear ski masks and hold knives at your throat. FALSE! Most rapes occur with people we know and often trust. In fact, more than four out of five rapes occur with an acquaintance. Many times there is no weapon just intimidation. For example, “If you ever tell anybody, my brother and I will get into a fight, there will be a family split, and nobody will believe you anyway.” Sometimes words do not have to be spoken because the rapist is a schoolteacher, Sunday school teacher, father, step-mother, cousin, husband, etc. It can be anybody in a position of trust and telling can cause problems in families, neighborhoods, schools, and so on. A non-consensual sexual attack vaginally, orally, anally, or otherwise, using hands, sexual organ, mouth, or items, is all rape. You can soft soap it all you want with words, but it is rape.
6. If confronted with a rapist put up your hand and yell, “No!” FALSE! First you must get out of denial, many women get raped because they can’t believe it is happening, so if you are followed, cross the street and see if they follow you, and then cross back again. If they do, they are up to no good and you must act immediately. If you are a sweet little old lady or all-American looking young girl, it will boost your confidence and totally disarm the attacker if you suddenly wheel, shove your hand in your purse, and say, “All right, Mother Fucker! You want it come and get it!” The foul language psychs out the attacker and helps stamp out the paralysis of fear you may experience. There are way too many victims around. At this point, he will probably get out of Dodge and look for one elsewhere. Also, do not yell “No!” Get away and scream “Fire! Fire!” People do not want to get involved, so they will not come when you yell “Help,” but everyone wants to see a fire. When you get attention, make eye contact, and command, “Call 9-1-1 now! He is trying to attack me!” One of my karate students; a little girl, a half dozen years ago, got a kidnapper and pedophile arrested just this way, and he is now doing three life sentences in the Colorado State Penitentiary.  
7. If you are a woman and see blue flashers behind you at night but cannot tell if it is a cruiser, drive slowly to a well-lit area, like a convenience store, before you allow the officer to approach your car, and be especially cautious if it is an unmarked car. Roll the window down a crack and ask the officer to see his ID. There is not a legitimate police officer in the world who will be offended by you doing that. In fact, they will respect you for it.
8. By the same regard, if you leave a store and see a man outside who makes you feel uncomfortable at all, go back in the store, and ask a manager to escort you to your car. Men love to protect women. They will love to do it.
9. Do not punch with your keys between your fingers like you see on talk shows, the key will turn to the side when you hit something. Hold it between the thumb and forefinger and jab with it, and in case your arm gets grabbed, also hold something in the opposite hand, such as a rat-tailed comb or cuticle scissors (which you CAN hold between the fingers and punch with).
10. You do not have to be a karate expert to save yourself with kicks. If approached from behind, back kick, just like a mule, into the attacker’s legs, or torso with the outside edge of your heel and drive it as hard as you can.  From the front, swing your shin, while pivoting your hips, like a baseball bat at the man’s thigh above the knees. This is a Muay Thai kick and can disable him and put him down. There is a nerve meridian about five inches up from the kneecap on the outside front of the upper thigh. Hit this, and he is going down, and it will not hurt your shin.
11.  Do not punch, use elbow smashes. Ball your fist and drive your elbow forward as hard as you can into the face. Most rape victims fighting back attack too early, so steady yourself to wait and strike when he is within elbow smashing distance, and try to drive through, not just into, the face.
12.  Another myth is that women who fight back will anger the attacker and escalate the attack. FALSE!  Statistically, women who give in and women who fight back are almost equal on levels of attack, but psychologically, women who fight back have an easier time processing it.
13.  Children who are abducted are seldom just grabbed. Teach your little ones that pedophiles try to lure them, with claims they are looking for a lost daughter, pet, or something that makes the child sympathetic. Teach them to run, scream, “Fire,” and then point while still running screaming, “Kidnapper! Kidnapper!” Have a code word, so they cannot say mom or dad is hurt, and they are picking them up.
14.  If you use your voice to deter someone making you uncomfortable, use a deep voice from your diaphragm muscles, not up high in your lungs, where you sound like a victim, almost like grunting. Practice this using assertive phrases.
15. I am a former Green Beret with high master ranking in four martial arts, and I ALWAYS lock my car doors. Every police officer I know does, too. What does that tell you?
16. Always, always be aware of your surroundings and walk briskly with head up, eyes looking around, and confident-looking. Rapists and kidnappers want victims. Avoid smooth-talkers. Ted Bundy was one of the best.
17.  Most rapes occur with college-aged girls and most times alcohol is involved. Enough said?
18.  Another myth is that it happens to others. ONE out of every THREE women in America is a victim of some type of sexual assault in her life. One out of every seven rape victims is a MALE.
19.  A winter coat held in front of you like a matador is excellent against knife attacks. High heels worn on each hand are also great and great for striking with.
20.  Remember: 18 pounds of pressure straight down will break a collarbone, eight pounds of pressure from a stomp can break a toe. No matter how large and strong a man is, you cannot grow muscles over the eyeballs, ears, nose, windpipe, fingers, toes, kneecaps, ankles, and groin. Anything can be turned into an expedient weapon. Swing the edge of your coffee cup down on the bridge of your husband’s nose and ask him if I am right.
21.  If kidnapped and tossed in a car trunk, kick the taillight out, and stick your hand out the hole waving for help. Only the drivers behind will see it.
22.  Always, always, man or woman, in every case, listen to your “inner voice.” If your intuition tells you something is wrong, it usually is. Do not think you are being silly.
23.  Do not think you are being silly if you feel you should call the police. No officer in the world will mind it at all if it turns out to be nothing. Cops want to protect you and will not laugh at you for being cautious. They will respect you.
24.  If you are a man, do not tell your wife and daughters you will hunt down and kill any man who attacks them. If they do get raped, they will be re-victimized, because they will never tell you for fear you will go to prison. Instead, be supportive and caring. If they do get raped, encourage them to prosecute, and this will make them feel more like victors and not victims. Just be there to provide support and love.
25.  If you have been raped and are reading this, you survived, so you made the right decision. Don’t beat yourself up. Many, many men reading this. Your wife has been a victim of rape but has never, ever told you. Your attitude is the reason. She needs your chest to lay her head on and talk about it.
26.  Please take an effective self-defense course and a gun safety course in your community.

Rape is the most prevalent and most under-reported crime in this country. There are many victims. You and your family members do not have to be one. Good luck.